EDIT:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::HOLYSHIT LOOK WHAT I FOUND.

the fantasy has struck others as well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! except this isn't one of those sexyass house centipedes, it's one of those dumb indonesian ones or whatever. It doesn't even have all those sexy tickly legs but OH WELL it's still a squirmy little fella!

 EDIT AGAIN DUDE DUE:::!!!! SO ---- so, i just got very happy and laughing and slapping my knees because, well, no one has heard my fucked up audios, but guess of the what!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, i love them soo much i do, and i dont know why, but i've recently thought of them as being thoughts in someone's head. Because, looking at them, they are SOOOO like just a bunch of fucking retarded thoughts. I know i've had them, i dont know about anyone else. BUT GUESS OF THE WHAT MY FRIENDS, GUESS OF THE WHAT!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!? (oh by the way, im not talking about the musical fuckedupaudios. i'm talking about the ones with random clips of shit and things and repetative things - like bombardism.)

LOOK WHAT I HAVE FOUND IN THE GOOGLE!!!!!!!!

Components of racing thoughts can include music, snatches of conversation from movies or television or books, one's own voice or other voices repeating a phrase or sentences again and again, or even rhythms of pressure without any "sound" in the thought.

 THIS IS THE EXACT DESCRIPTOR OF FUCKED UP AUDIOS!!!!! YEEHEEHHE

see, i well, i thought i was happy today before i went to fink. i felt like nothing though, like in a daze. i wasn't really thinking, and i thought this was bad becasue i think i'm more aware when i'm thinking. So i had nothing really to say, which made the appointment go dead. I was like "OKAY dr fink," in a last final strainy snatch at fulfillment, as i adgitatedly searched for a topic to fill the void ---- "THIS IS how i feel right now ------  i came in here, i didn't know if i was happy or sad. For like 5 days, i might have felt a bit happier. But when i leave here, i . . . .i dont know if i will become sad becasue i talked about mishaps here, or . . . .if i will remain in a daze, and i dont know what i will do. WELL WHAT THE FUCK AM I GONNA DO NOW, DIR FINK!!?!?" i yelled as i walked out the door in a last grasp for  honesty , and then apologized to the woman on the couch. I JUST didnt know I JUST dont know I JSUT DIDNt know about how i felt I JUST DIDNT KNOW am i happy I DONT KNWO So, i sat on the porch outside, and FUCK FUCK you know what i mean, Ive got like this many a time. It's like one thought after another, and it is strainy because YOU CANNOT REST ON ONE!!! if you get on one, another will pop up and such and such and such. FUUUCKKKK!!!!!!! so, the only thought you can really rest on, is to stay objective and accept that you will never be able to rest on a thought. NO COMFORT. PERPETUAL UNCOMFORATABLENESS> ---- so i was sad for like no reason as i drove in the car on the beautiful afternoon dusk thing. But am i sad becasue i'm just telling myself i'm sad??!?! THER's no reason@! I just wanted to give u[p=== okay, fuck it, i'm not going to try and get out of this with thoughts. FUCK IT. but ofcurse, i drank a caffeine, and then half-fakely boosted my mood with fake facial expressions and movements to songs. now i came here, and the comment above that i found on google that so matched my fuckedupaudios, made me jubailant. Plus, michael keaton is very manic, and maniacal, and racing thoughts would be like beetlejuicey

NOTHING TO REST ON NOTHING TO REST ON NOTHING TO REST ON HAHAHAHAHAHHHHH!!!!!!! FUCK YOU, DIR FINK!! FUCK YOU, YOUVE DONE NOTHING TODYA!" i thought. AHAHAHFOHFAEI AND it's like, that's what i'd call STRAIINNNY!Y!!!!! hhahahah like Something is pulling me from either side. It's like i'll have a state of mind, then i'll analyze that to add a layer, then i'll analyze that to add another layer, and I guess i'dd call it a loop because i probably return to an original thing. LAYYERRZZZ!!!!

You know the moore i thin k about it the funnier it is. Th emore i think about the fucked up audiio, the more i realize the constantness in school of myself, half-consciously playing this record in my head of a commercial clip, or a sound, and my own thoughts about the universe, this fuzzy tape that i'm only half aware of constantly going through my head -- adding on my ever constant tooth pushings (in and out and in and out of this fucking tooth, tonguing it) and my constant shiftings in my chair because i can never get comforatable -- And im not really even aware of it. During chemistry, even if i seemingly try to pay attention to Dr. S, i wont comprehend it, evne the simplest of things, becasue. . . . i guess the thoughts ------ And so i just sit there, in this strainy daze, ---- half of me is stuck in this mindloop toothpickingloop fidgetingloop, while the other half is not even aware of it and is somewhere else completely.

AHAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHA II LOOOOFFFFFFFFFFFFFEEEEEEEE ITT!!! then again it may be good, because i'm getting lots of good theories about the universe.

OOH DID I TELL YOU?? i rented clean and sober and michael keaton with his fantastic mouth kisses this girl's ass. Like, he kisses and sucks on ehr ass (she is dead) and i'm like FUCK YEAH@!! HH!H!HH!H 

---------------------

OKAY so guys i have  A SURPRISE FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

now. this is pretty fucking nasty. or erotic. you decide. AFTERALL, PORN IS SUBJECTIVE, IS IT NOTT!!

Scroll down to see!!!

No not this, keep going.

HEREE ITIT ISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!

 O OH YEAH BABAH HERE I CUM!

well, it is schoolgirl alfreed, being made love to gently (by gently i mean FUCKING RAVENOUSLY AND WELL TEARING  UP HIS INSIDES!!!HHEHEHHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) by a centipede, or beetlejuice, the juicey hentaipede. mmmmmmmm. he is chucklling to himself as he extracts cum from his innocent little delectable schoolgirl morsel. (Does Alfred get a vagina when he transforms into schoolgirl alfred?? I dont know myself, but YOU BE THE JUDGE!!!)

well, i myself was thinking of making The most DISCUSTING HENTAI TO EVER HIT THE EARTH. now i will hold myself to that too. As my other large project incubates, perhaps i will go to work and put all my perversities into making the most discusting peice of shit that could be on this internet, and i mean I WILL DO MY BEST to make it th emost fucked up thing you've everseen. It will be funny, no doubt, and it iwll be a trip. I will make it so it is very hard to watch, like too hard, and it willl be a challenge to get through it. Whoever successfully completes it will be scarred just a little, and it will be watched by horny old japenese men and southern meth-addicted nasty old uncles who are into kiddie porn. That being said, it may be unfortunately used as a weapon for pedo's who want to show a child a "cartoon" --- no doubt, that child will have seizures from this. SO What do you think?? YOu think i should do it??? IT would be hella fun!!

oh by the way, i learned a rather odd fact, that my male psychologist watches hentai. I casually brought up tentacle rape, and he said he knew what it is, and that he was looking through hentai pictures. I myself was rather -=------===-, and so did not inquire any further. However, next time, i will inquire much further, as i will have my bearings together. Me --- i goddamned love to see little schoolgirl vaginas get obliterated!! i love the shit!! Infact, it's better than regular porn. hate the anime naruto shit, hate it with a passion, but goddamn, those japenese can sure make some good porno. then i will ask my psychologist if he likes real porn. i will then ask him if he fapps to it.

!!!!!!

OOH BY THE WAYY ---- I JUST HAPPENED TO GO INTO GOODWILL YESTERDAY AND THERE, RIGHT THERE, WAS A PAIR OF BEETLEJUICE BOOTS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY WERE EXACTLY LIKE HIS (oh by the way, michael keaton is THEE goodwill shit movie, and whaddayouknow, i found 4 of his movies in video cassets at good will including MICHAEL KEATON IN ONE GOOD COP and MR JUICEY BABY JJUUUCIEYY JUUUUICIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but now i have netflicks, so i didnt buy them.) AND I BOUTGHT THEM!! I BOUGHT THOSE BIG BLACK BOOTS AND UUGGGHHH THEY ARE SOOO SEXXY AND I PUT THEM ON AND I GET WET YESSHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay so guys, i was thinking and. . . .. ... . ..  .OMG. well. If beetlejuice was an insect, he infact would not be a beetle. Infact, he would infact be a centipede.  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!    Now, all my life, centipedes were the most discusting shit of all hell . they came right from the devil's loins and their sole purpose on this earth was to be as grossly discusting as possible - that was their job. they got paid 7:59 an hour. until, one day, i saw a big fucker in my basement. He ran before i could kill him. I said that i was going to go quentin tarantino on his ass, and after talking in kickass dialogue for an hour to the centipede, i was going to kill it violently with an AK-47 - cause i just gotta kill every last muthafukin one of those centipede's legs (they each have their own brain) in the room.

Then i looked at my mr juicey juicey juicey juuice. 100 percent juice baby. Anyway. I said - "my god. centipedes resemble him. They have stripey legs, they have stripey body, they have legs that resembles his hair, and they are nasty badass fuckers." Let me show you, folks.

ugh so hot. ugh so hot.

Now look at a centipede. ugh.

THEY ARE THE SAME THING!!!!! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

infact, they are such the same thing, that here.

O EMM GEE, it is mister juicey with clean and sober head of michale keaton as a pede!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh by the way, folks, i watched that movie beetlejuice again. it was 4 months since i originallly rented it and the obsession and fixation began. 4 fucking months, and here we were again. did i love him? yes.

NOW NOW LET ME SHOW YOU SOME SUPER SEXY PICTURES OF MY MISTER STRIPEY CORPSEY JUICEY JUICE THAT I DREW~!!!!! 100 percent juice baby.

uggghhhh. so sexy. he loooks like a centipede here. you guys all know you would hop on that.

UUGGHHH he is so nasty and FAT!!!! oh my god he has a bit of fat rolls. MMMMMM you know, guys' legs usually aren't that great, i mean, big deal BUT - when he has those stripey pants on, and especially when they're spread out in front of him and his pants are tucked into those big fucking black boots and bent. . . . . .. ..UGGGHHH he is so NASSTYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! mmm/;egss/

OOH MY GOODD YOU GUYZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZso, let me tell you. i'm sittin in my room, sleeping actually, dreaming of juicey, and i wake up on a hot afternoon from the nap to this sound , or something similar: "ANd bring the little partners down here, hell we've got plenty of snakes and lizards for them to play with no problem with that at all." I thopught: Is the mother watching beetlejuice?? Then i heard a loud truck. I look outside, and there across the street, are construction workers. And one of them resembles mr juicey. i go:

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! now - this guy is wearing a hat, and has his hair sticking out like mr juice. also, he is smoking a ciggarette like mr juice and doing mannarisms like mr juice. Unfortunately, after spending yesterday and today watching them from my window and playing fucked up audio of beetlejuice clips that are mutilated out to them, i found out that the guy with the beetlejuicey voice was somewone else. .   . .and also when i got a closeer look i found out the beetlejuicey guy had a beard and didnt really look like him .. . . . .

. ..  . . .. i stared at those fuckers all afternoon i did i did.

.. . . .. .but you kno folks, i could've fulfilled partially a fantasy there. if i was desperate enough, i would've went up to that construction worker and would ask him to pretend he was beetlejuice adn we could fuck. unfortunately i am not that desperate. nor can i escape into fantasy so deeply. and the thing is, the guy would've probably said yes. Hell, any oldish construction worker who is pretty nasty would probably fuck any 17 year old girl who happens to want to fuck them. I said it once i say it again : The tightness factor determines all.

or, to indulge my hentai obsession with little hentai catgirls masturbating, i could've just propped open my window, made sure they could see me, and like took my top off and start riding a teddy bear. Certainly they would watch. why, who doesn't want to see a girlish schoolgirl experiment with her budding sexuality by innocently yet ravenously letting out some of her untainted juices on a teddy bear (which is a nice perverted prop.)

but i am a coward i say, a coward.

but let me tell you what DID happen yesterday. So i come home from school, and with a sigh of teenish angst and budding sexuality, i throw down my bookbag and humph on my bed. HUMPH! i say, remembering chem period 9 - mr bozwell was such a skeez!! The teenish schoolgirl angst and budding sexuality i had!!!! As i sat down on my bed, i made sure that my schoolgirl skirt accidentally came up around to expose a tiny bit of pure white grade A schoolgirl panties. You know, just because that's what schoolgirls do - they accidentlaly expose their panties. BUDDING SEXUALITY!!
As i was sitting there, i suddenly remembered that it was time to slowly unbutton my schoolgirl white grade A pure top and behave in a sexually provocative manner. I always look forward to that time, right before dinner and right after homework. I decided that i'd unbotton my schoolgirl top as slowly and sexually provocatively as possible. Why? Because even though no one was looking and i was alone in my room, schoolgirls just love to do that incase they happen to be appearing in a hentai picture that is being viewed by lonely old men on the internet. Besides, us schoolgirls just find it so skeezin fun! It's in our blood, and it gets out some of our teenish angst and smells like teen spirit. So as i was casually unbuttoning, flipping my hair and exposing that creamy untainted grade A schoolgirl elastic flesh, i hear a noise.
"du du du rada da da da da," i hear. It is some sort of casual singing! Some sort of singing in a gruff and growly beetlejuicey sexy voice! I look around, and i see no one however. Oh well i think, and i continue unbuttoning. Then i hear the humming/singing again. Startled, I look around quickly - after i passionately tear off my top and pour water on my lacy teeny-brand bra ofcourse. You know those bras that say 'girl power!' on the tag and have cute flowers and hearts on them because that's just what we teenage schoolgirls like to wear? yeah that's the one. Cant imagine how many old guys would like to gizz all over that cute little sucker.  Taint it with their nasty old guy semen . . . . *mr juicey yeeeee*            
Anyway, I yet again see nothing. So, i continue to undress. I begin slipping off my little schoolgirl skirt. As i'm doing it, i stop for amoment and think, "wait, why am i undressing? i really .. .  .i can't see a point in this .. .infact i have no idea why i am doing this, especially in such a sensuous manner -- " But before i can complete the thought, the schoolgirl mind police quickly snatch it away (to preserve the innocent stupor of the undressing schoolgirl) and i continue taking off the skirt.
Then all of a sudden, i hear "Ooh la la what 'ave we got here" in a very beetlejuicey voice. In a fit of suprise and startleness, I fling off the skirt and my bra at the same time. And then i look up.
There, in the corner of my wall, singing his ssong, is a centipede!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He was watching me this entire time!!!!!!!!!! I scream, very innocently and squeaky and clutch my breasts in order to comfort myself. The centipede is stripey - Why, it is beetlejuice in centipede form!!!!!! I am so embarressed, being an innocent untainted schoolgirl, that i innocently and untaintedly start blushing and moaning and rubbing my nipples in a fit of embarresment. (Oh by the way, the schoolgirl mind police removed my thoughts of wanting to fuck beetlejuice anyway, because we all know that schoolgirls cant actually consciously want to get fucked - the fucking has to be forced upon them and they can only unconsciously and in an embarressed manner like it.)
I throw my teddy bear at the centipede, but it misses and he laughs in a very beetlejuicey manner, "heheheh!!!!" Oh i forgot to mention that before i did this, i masturbated myself on the teddy bear. It was just another schoolgirl compulsion. .... So, because i missed, i got very angry and embarresssed - more angry and embarressed than before!! The anger and embarressment wells up inside me at this centipede - so i do the only thing that one can do in that situation - my breasts inflate to ultimate proportions. I scream at this, and anger and embarressment wells up even more!!! Then i notice that i am not real anymore, but drawn and my one eye and eyebrow are overtop of my hair for some reason - and my eye is like super huge and i have no nose. I think this is odd, but you know, schoolgirl mind police.

The centipede laughs again like beetlejuice "heheheheh!!!" I scream and try and kill it with a shoe, but i miss again. It goes, "hehehehehheh!!!" Now i am really embarressed!!! Then i see a bottle of raid - Perfect!! I reach to grab it, but then i think of an even better and more sexual solution - I yell, "CUM ATTACK!! GO!!!" I rise up in the air as a bright drawn light floats around me, and i shoot sweet juicey untainted wine-of-the-gods straight from the land of milk and hunny GRADE A schoolgirl cum out of my untainted cunt. The cum hits the centipede -- - - and decreased it down to 45 HP points!!! BUT OH NO!! My plan backwashed!!!! The centipede beetlejuice actually enjoys the untainted sweetness of the nectar cum, and it makes him evolve!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He evolves into BEETLEJUICE THE CENTIPEDE - except like 4 times bigger now!! I scream out of embarressment and anger, and blush furiously until i cant take it anymore and start licking my nipples in an experiment with my budding sexuality. Im getting angrier and angrier - - -and hornier and hornier!! As the anger grows, the horniness exponentailly tripples!! (with schoolgirls, these things go hand in hand.) Then i realize, that the beetlejuice centipede is exactly the size of a well endowed phallus!!!! I am so angry and horny, that  .   . . .. . . OH NO 00 -- but these thoughts are bad!! They taught us this in sunday school, and jesus will punish us with rulers and swift fresh spanks if we have any dirty thoughts ----- for we are schoolgirls and must remain pure!!
But i cannot help it, and thee beetlejuice pede knows this as well. He knows he's a big fucking phallus. I know it. We both know it. My hentai-iffic little mouth widens as my already grossly deformed eyes grow even larger and more grossly deformed. The beetlejuice centipede loooks at me and goes "hehehehheheh." I blush and go "nnn- nooooo!!!!!! I wannt it but . . . it's just so damn wrong --- it's just so d"

*oh kids, uh, the next part is like really fucking nasty and like XXXX rated and super gross. if you are under 3, do not read this. because ew. Can you predict what will happen?!??!*

"amn sexy and hot and" Well we both know what is going to happen. And so, as my legs spread open with the tentacles that shoot out from my teddy bear (for he was a tentacle monster all along,) the beetlejuice centipede in all his phallusness, and in a traditionally horribly discusting and bizzarely grotesque japeneese hentai situation, runs into my untainted little schoolgirl pussy. And he sings:::
"ILL EAT ANYTHING YOU WANT ME TO EAT ILL SWALLOW ANYTHING YOU WANT ME TO SWALLOW SO COME ON DOWN ---- CHEEW ON THE UNTATINED LITTLE SCHOOLGIRL PUSSY!!! AAOOUUUWWWWW!!!!" (if you didnt know this is a quote from the movie and so taht is why it makes sense.)
And he does eat what i want him to eat. And he swallows anything i want him to swallow. I know its wrong but i want him to eat it badly. and he does. And he does, folks. and he sings. and the legs , those discutsting centipede legs with their own individual brains, does the most horribly fantastic work on my insides. each little twitch of those fuckers sends out a whole bunch of schoolgirl cum and gives me a traditional hentai mega-mega-ultra-godzilla orgasm that shakes the earth, crushes buildings and shoots out gallons of cum just like mothra shoots whatever the hell he shoots. goddamned japenese. and then he crawls into my uterus and dies in there and for the japenese that's like some sort of deep symbolic sexual satisfaction to them and so yeah that pretty much satisfies me for like my entire life, that centipede corpse in my uterus, and his legs give me orgasms eternally under the red sun in happy jappenese land where fucky shit like this happens on  a reuglar basis and hello kitties and rainbows fill the sky with my eternal joyous laughs of schoolgirl orgasm.

THE END.

 JRAAAAAAAAAAAA! JRAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so llet me think .. oh yes well see for the last few days all i've been doing is, and i't is very good, i've been going on youtube and watching repeatedly this one video of beetlejuice pictures from the cartoon in a slideshow with the song "IM TOOS EXY PLAYING" in the background. and i love it. and then i watch this other one called 'the little girl and dead man show' which I LOVE and it is just someone dubbing overy the beetlejuice cartoon .AND THESE ARE THE THINGS>

so why did i come on ehre????????????? I DONT KNOW  well here let me just well here. here are some things athat are hot.

OMG!! HOTT!!!!

OMG!! HOTT!!!!

OMG!! HOTT!!!!

OMG!! HOTT!!!!

OMG!! HOTT!!!!

OMG!! HOTT!!!!

OMG~!~ HOTT~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG. yes. so you know what is hot T?? with 2 TT's because well that means that it is like really hott!? WELL i'll tell you. his arm.

LOOK AT HIS ARM!!! SEEE, i nthis movie, you cannot see his arm. infact, you never see it. i mean his arm without a shirt over it. But in this one picture, you happen to see his arm. This one shot, there is his arm.  . . . .  . .. .and well it is just very hot do not you think?? because, well, you see, beetlejuice is somewhat fat. he is somewhat chunky. which is well it is very hoTTTTTTTTTTTTT.

EDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTtt

my time is short!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! disturbances in the form of an asshole!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway, must talk about arm as much as possible in shortist period of time!!!!!!!!

okay. so the reason why this is good, is because, well beetlejuice is somewhat chunky. which is well it is very hoTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.because, well, you see, beetlejuice is somewhat fat. he is somewhat chunky. which is well it is very hoTTTTTTTTTTTTTAND SO, as you can see here his arm is somewhat skinny. Oh yes. and it just happens to be sticking out o fhis robe.

HIS FLESH!!!!!!!!!! hahahahhhahayes. i have caught a glimpse of the flesh that is rarely seen. on mister juice. it is a nice mound of flesh. And it is, because well, see look. it is nice and skinnyish. it infact looks like a normal arm that would be on an alive person. but he is dead. YAY!!!!!!!!!!! and i would like to touch it. i tlooks like  a nice mound of flesh. peeking out there. i think i would stroke it if i was there.

SEe, well the thing is, his arm would be similar to this picture of michael keaton:

This arm there. for that is michael keaton who plays beetlejuice and that is his arm. and this would be the most close it would be to his arm because this movie was done the same year as beeltjuice. but his arm looks more muscular here.

i mean in clean and sober. his arm looks more muscular. See, in this picture his arm loooks more softer. I would like to lick his arm when he is beetlejuice than when he was in clean and sober. But the thing is, this is probably due to the lighting. Infact, i would say hisarm would most likely be exactly the same as clean and sober . How could an arm change in the span of one year? But the arm in beetlejuice looks much hotter. it is hott. with 2 tt's . and so i'd like to lick it more.

it ahhahahhahhahhhahahhhah i wonder if we,,ll, as you can see, you can catch a little glimpse further down juicey's chest. i wonder if he has chest hairs. he probably does and they probably look like his hair on his head.

I think i want to lick his arm and then, perhaps i dont just lick that part. perhaps i lift up his robe on the upper part of his arm. i wonder what it would look like! i am guessing it would be mildly skinny. but you see, michael keaton has fucky shoulders.

OOH!!! I LIKE HIS ASS!!!!!

OOH!! OBHG FSEJOIFRIDNENES!!!~ FRIENDS!! AT THSI MOMENT, SOMEONE IS GETTING BEETLEJUICE THE MOVIE FOR ME!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

THUIS WILL BE THE FIRST TIME I HAVE SEEN IT SINCE THE ORIGINAL START OF THE OBSESSION WHICH IS NOVERMBER!!! AHAHHAHOIJFWOEIGJOWIEGJ
WOEGHOEIGHWOHEGIHWGOEWHEGIHWIOEGHOIWEG
WOEGHOHWEGHOIEWHIEWGHOIGEWOHWEGHIHIOGEW
WOEGHOIEWGOHIEWGHOIEWHIOEWGHIOHIOWEGHOIWE

in this picture, you can see that he is sort of fat.

in this pictuer, he is rolling a joint. Because well yes, in addition to smoking crack, beetlejuice smokes weed.

and in this picture, he is going, "HEY!! COOMEAANNN!!!! CRACCKK COOCAAINNEEE!!!!!! EEEyyy, GUUYSS, HEEEY WHATS THE DEAL HEEEYYYY!!! CRACK COCAIIINNEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

i had a theory that the people who made this movie originally intended for beetlejuice to be an actual beetle. they made him a beetle. he is supposed to be a beetle.

in this picture, you can see his arm. it is a nice mound of flesh. it loooks good to stroke. and bite. and then i would have sex with his arm. i would put it inbetween my thighs and i would have sex with his arm. it looks good to fuck and stroke.

and in this picture, you can see his arm.

well right here in this picture, beetlejuice's arm ist sticking out. do you see it? it is resting on a chair arm.

in this picture he is asking for crack cocaine.

in this picture, he is going, "WHEREs' ALL THE CRACK COCAINE??"

and in this puctreu, i he is going "EHYY!! CRACK COCAINE!!!!"

in tis picture, he thought he saw some crack over there. so he's looking for it. but it went away, so now he wants some crak.

he is addicted to crack.

in ths ipicture, he is addicted to crack.

and in thie picture, you can see his arm. it is sticking out of his robe. his robe actually was taylored to cover the latter part of his arm. however, due to the manner in which he is sitting, the robe is scrunched up and thus his lower arm is exposed. you can see it there and i want to hafe sex with his arm.

in this picture, i want to have sex with hss arm.

in this picture, you can see he is stweeking out becasue he relaly wanted some crack, because he could not get some. he wanted some but none was availabe. he went to check withi his friend dead man and but however id it dod it did not weas there. so he went to a hoker and he asked it but it said no. and so he is dissapointed nad frustrated. he is wondering where all the crack is. he cannot find any. he is confused. that si why hsi arms are like that. he is holding them in an expression that said "HEY WERE is the crack cocain' he cannot find any crack cocain.e

in this picture he sais 'hey you can have sex with my arm if you want.' and i said okay. and so he is going to take me into his grave and i am going tha hto have sex with his arm. and he si oging to have some crack because he's going to give em soem crack.

here you can see that he is horny.

but he is always hrny. HEE HEE HEE EHEHEHHEHE

and so.

it looks smooth. dont you think? i think it ollooks smoth. his arm. i mean. so, i think yeah, i think you would have sex with his arm too. i think that it would be nice if his arm wasresting on my stomach. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

beetlejuice enjoys going to the cemetary at night and sitting on graves. beetlejuice enjoys stretching his arms on either side in a manner which suggests, "HEy, where's all the crack cocaine?!??!" beeltjuice enjoys looking up at the night sky and questioning the meaning of life. beetlejuice enjoys crack and hookers asses and snorting crack off of hookers asses.

sex.

sex.

"HEEEEEYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!" says beetlejuice. heeeyyy there, yeah, where's the partay!!!

i replied, yes.

he said, "CRACK COCAINE!!"

i replied, yes.

he is a beetle.

ALright. so this is what i'm going to have to do. Well you see, i all day spent time loading extremely slow beetlejuice video clips of the cartoon and taking pictures of the pictures and then i freaked out at herbert in utter discontentment and uncomforatableness but then got comforted by accepting that i was in uncomfort and then i went back home and did it again

and so this is what i[im going to have to do. im going to have to go to universal studios and fuck one of those beetlejuice guys in beetlejuice suits. That walk around and let you take pictures of them. Yes. First i will travel -502137 miles which will take years. When i get there, i will hope that all of the beetlejuices are not ugly and fat or do not look like him. If they do not look like him, i will be very sad. They also must act like him. I will scan the place and pick out the one that is the most similar to the real beetlejuice. I will study their movements and head. Then i will go up to them. I will have to wait so that there will not be a child in the way, and i will have to get him when he is in the corner where there will be no distractions or fucking children or assholes. So i will very apprehensively approach this beetllejuice> mind you, this will be hard and i will feel shame and retardedness. I will have to approach him in a manner that deviates from the other assholes with their camera phones. I will have to approach him in a manner that says: i mean to speak to you about different matters. i mean to conduct business. i mean to fuck you. I will then tap him on his shoulder. He will most likely begin his usual beetlejuice routine, and look for my camera phone. I will not have one. Instead, i will say - and i have 2 options - either completely give into the fantasy, escape into my imagination and convince myself that this is the real beetlejuice - or just go honestly. I think i shall give into the fantasy, but discuss terms honeslty. I will say, "Hello, beetlejuice. I have travelled many year to get here. I dont give a shit about your little universal shit studios. i dont want a fucking mickey mouse t-shirt or gayass ears. I have come here for one purpose, and that is for you to rob me of my innocence and have rough yet tender sex with me to fulfill a 4 month long obsession and i would like you to tear up my chastity belt, if you will and this is the terms." He will either be decent and leave and in a nice real voice, go "uh . .. . you know i dont think i am allowed to do that. and plus i have like. . . . a wife and kids." This will 098% be the case. If not, however, if it happens to be well, then

Well here's my theory. the guy is working at a goddamned universal studios and well .. . . .. this probably means he is desperate. Do you think he would get any? no. So there is a good point. If someone wants desperately to fuck them with no strings attached (this is not about a real relationship, this is about shit) then perhaps they would. Also, i would be barely legal. This gives plus 9782332 points, because everyone knows about the tightness factor. the tightness factor determines all. Plus i want to have good dirty sex with them and i want them to tear apart my unafflicted pussy. i have a theory that old desperate guys working at universal studios would like little schoolgirls throwing themselves at them and telling them they can do whatever they wanted. oh. i forgot to mention i am wearing a schoolgirl uniform.

so if this is the case, the guy will say yes after wondering if this is a joke. when he realizes this is not a joke, as i will take him directly to the motel and buy it myself, i will discuss the terms. this is when i willl go into real mode. i will say: "alright, buddy friend. this is the deal. you are to under no circumstances give any hint that you are not infact the real beetlejuice, in his true ghostcorpse form. you are to stay completely in character. now this is going to test your acting strenght. you are to have sex as you feel the real beetlejuice, for you are him, would have it. every moan, groan, and/or pleasure remark will be of beetlejuice. you are to become him. remember, this is all i have, friend. i am a very lonely individual and this is the edge right here . this is the epitimy of my life's yearning for some real form of love. and you better damn well do all you fucking can to make me feel like this is some real form of love and not a fantasy made semi-true with some middleaged shit-lifed guy who fapps daily to grade d porn. now we all know we both have shit lives full of nothing, mother fucker. (i am going quentino in the dialogue) but in this moment right here we're going to perhaps give a bit of escape to that nothingness. perhaps fill the void for about 3 minutes before you get out that rare un-fapped semen and return to your life of shit somewhat dazed and confused. so you better become that stripey undead motherfucker to your fullest potential mustered from your 1 and ahalf years at shit acting school and fuck me. . .. .... .. .. motherfucker."

Onece that is out, i will promptly return to my denial and become a delighted schoolgirl again, about to take all that fangirl rage/angst/sexdrive and release it in this nasty crappy motel bed. So, i'll jump on that bed and spread my legs and stripey will get on me. externally, the most wonderfully absurd and seemingly futile fantasy is coming true in one break from reality. internally somewhere though, i am thinking 'oh god this is fucking akward. i wonder if this guy still lives with his mother. i hope he does not have herpies' as i kiss his mouth, those not-so michael keaton lips - but I see them as mr juiceys and push the doubt and truth aside.

well, the guy lasted not as long as i thought. about 1 minute and 48 seconds later, the breif idealness has ceased in one slight grunt of beetlejuiceness, though i could detect a bit of the real guy's shudder of release. i suppose it lasted so quick because this guy's cock was so goddamned surprised at entering a wet tunnel rather than the dried flakey inside of his own hand, that it just. . .. ..expolded in confusion and 'Hey, i remember this from back in '78!'   In my case, i got a whole lot of tugging and moderate pain mixed with the faintest hint of orgasm. you know, one of those ones you get after awhile of trying and trying to no avail, and then somewhere in the midst of soreness you grasp on to the faint bit of rising feeling that only leads to a quick and dull fading back to nothing. Well tha'ts what the guy pretty much did to me, and when he shruggingly remmoved his member in the automatic next step of the quicky (the next one's the door!) his juice dripped on out. Juice. The juicey juice of beetlejuice!! yeah, that's what it is,  ... . .beetlejuice juiced inside of me. Well i try and think, 'oh WOW he juiced in me and it's mrjuicey's juice and i should savor it in me because i loooovve him i love him i love him ' but the awkwardness of the whole  ordeal pretty much zonked me out of the fantasy i was working so diligently to construct. Yes, a stripey figure got ontop of me and is now getting up from the bed and walking out the door - but i'm seeing that those familiar stripes are just a layer covering some  guy you'd see buying toilet paper and paper plates at giant and think nothing of except 'jeezus i hope that guy isn't looking at me because that would piss meoff.'  And no, he's not leaving the door in a sexy badass 'i dont give a shit about this girl, she's just another one of the whores i fuck, and now im gonna go snort some COKE HELEL YEAH!!' beetlejuicey way that would make me want it even more and gets me wet even as he leaves. No, this guy is leaving in an awkward weird way, sort of shuffling, "should i go or should i like give her a dollar or something?" sort of 'uh. .... is this it?'    . .. ..uh .. . .maybe i should go get like a shower or something .. . . . . 

and i go in a half-assed, last desperate try to stay in the fantasy ' Bye, mr juicey!!!!'  . . . .but i know its shit. i know what just went on here. And the guy leaves, and i'm left in this shit motel leaking some unknown unwanted guy's semen. The only thing that's really changed is that whenever i watched my once-beloved fantasy movie 'beeltjeuice,' i'll start smelling this dull dank motel and feeling like a lowly shamed idiot.

YYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYY I CANT WAIT TO GO!!!!

OH GOD HE IS FUCKING NASTY!!! AHAHHAHAHAH YES!! i have been very hornylately and my days have consisted of my laying and staring at beetlejuice and him just doing very nasty things to my innocent little body BUT OH god he is a dirty guy look at him hahaha yes

EEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

and so i say, yes he is so nasty and badass and well geez like i said, yesterday and for a few days i got very horny. So i wanted to go find some hentai pictures of young girls masturbating. Because you know, beetlejuice would like that very very very much that dirty old guy that he is yes. So it gets me off. so i'm lookin for 'em on google images because im too scared to go on realhentai porn because of viruses and shame, and and well i happen to go to a site well by this time i've beiven up. given up. Because well because well because nothing really came on google images, being that it si goodle images, and so WELL THEN I AHHAPned to bomce pa up upon a shite a site, and it had on it.. . . .. . . .. HENTAI GIRLS MASTURBATING!!!! YES!!!! this was the stuff, man@!!!!! that feuled another round of horniness. And i thought, god that feels good and OH god beetlejuice would like to see that wouldn't he because he's a DIRTY NASTY OLD GUY HHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH

so so so so so os osososoososososososoossoososososososoososoosos GOODMANENEND, i have the largest urge to be special. Said dr fink, "TIS NORMAL, !" and i said. . . . . . . . .. . . .. . .. . and he said. . . . . .he said that i was smart *TEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**** and its fucked and i said "DR FINK YOUR FEULING MY EGO YOU dumb mouse you dumb mouse and WHY DO YOU DO IT but oh i enjoy it so." because oh i did enjoy it so. so oooo. You see, that dumb Fink was making me feel special because he said i was smart and i had a good disturbed mind and he likes my show "**TTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!** and well, me, having that large large large LARGE need to feel special i just went --------------------------------- and i took it all in and soaked it like a sponge and i went --------------------------- and i secretly went 'tee' but i could not demonstrate this. But yes it feels good. OH IT MAKES ME FEELLLL GOODDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAHHHH ITT FIIILLLLSS MMMEMEMEEMMEEEE EEWIIIITHHTHHTHTHHTHTHHT a   niiiicieee niiicccccccccccccccce ------------------------------------------------------ of warmth and ------------------ and i would say right there 'i love you dr fink.' BUT I RELALY DONT, no, it's just that he siad. . .he siad. .. . . . ..  .. .he  . .. . THEEE TEEEEHEHEHE THAT I WSAS A smart THEHEHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! AND HE LIKES MY SHOWHEETEEEE BECAUSE he says he watched it because my voice is alfre dand HAHAHAHHHAHHH~~~~~~!!!!'

and i said DAMN YOU!!!DAMN!!!!! YOUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to hell because goddamned you you agamoodfjia fucking mouse, you are NOT HELPING ME YOU ARE HINDERING ME YOU ARE FEEEEEEEEEEEEDING MY EGOOOOOOOOOOO  Oand oh i love it so please keep doing it, yes, please it is very nice and good but NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOO YOU ARE FUCKING WITH MY HEAD YOU FUCKER BECAUSE YOU ARE FEEDING THAT FUCKER THAT DAMAMMMNNENNDD FUCKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but inside i went 'teee yeahhhhhhhhhhhh iiitttsssssss goooooooooddddddd yeah say it again SAY IT!! SAY IT AGAIN HAHAHHAHHH EYS!! AHHAHAHHAHHAHH DO IT AHHAAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHHAHH~J!!!!' but no.

NO!! FOR . . . . .. . .FOR YOU KNOW WHAT EVERY BONDY!?!??!?!?!?

he just wants his goddamned chekcs, that's all.

AHHA yes. he just . .  .. .as long as i give him that fifteedn fucking dollars he'll say any goddamned thing i want. he's like a fucking . . PROSTITUTE THATS WHAT HE IS!! A DIRTY WHORE OF A FINK!!!    HAS HE NO SOULLL!!?!??!?!?!?!?? yes, i bet he does it to everyone. Stroking their ego, STROKING IT!!!!! HAHAHHAHAHHAHH!! TO NO END!!!

no, im no better than the rest of them. yes. AND THIS IS A TRUTH AND I MUST LEARN THSI

BUT OH THE ACHING ACHING NEEEEEED TO FEEL SPECIALLLLLLLL OH FUCk

but i have to learn that i am as insignificant as everyone else.

SEE, all you folk, we lal need to feel special know why?? BECAUSE WE AINT GET NONE OF IT IN OUR GODDAMMMNNED CHILDHOOD HAHHAHHAHHHAHH!

so dont hate youerleves, folk, you were just mamed and ignored by a trusted adult. Tis okay. we all want to be special. . . .. SOMe just want it more LIKE ME THAT MAKES ME SPECIALLALAHAHAHHAHAHHAHH but no.

NO, we must supress it.

he makes me feel very very good. i enjoy going to his office. sick fucker. sick prostitute fucker.

I LOVE MR JUIIICEEEY I LOVE MR JUUICCEYEYY!! see? there he is hanging on my wall!! SEE????? see i love him. see and he loves me because he sits on my wall mr beetlejuicey i love and i hug him and he sits very nonchalant as he fingers my tight little cunt as i scream and cling on to his nekc because, yes, i needd him. ii nnneeeeeeeeedddd hiiiiiimmmmmmmmmmmmmm.......... he makes me feel good yes he does he does. LOVE!! i love you mr juicey, says I. And i stare at your stripey lines for days and days and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever . . . . . and he is boss yes. but i please him. i please him yes because i fuckin looooovve to please him but you know what, he doesnt really care anyway. iii looooooooooooovee you, mr beetlejuicey the mr juicey corpse!!!!!

yeah, you really need to go check out these little girls of hentai masturbating. it will get you off, whether you are man or TOAD!!

and he is. . .

FAAA FUCKING BADASS !!!!!!!!!! HAHHAHHAHHAH DO YOU SEE IT!! HE IS A CRACK ADDICICIICITT  HAHHHAHHAHHHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHAHHHAHHAHAA oh god yes, he is dead, he is DEAD!!!!!!!! AHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH and it is so hot because he is dead becuase being dead it makes him badasss and kickass and all sorts of such, and he is covered in filth and he is ONLYOUT FOR HIMSELF!! AHHAHAHAHAHH eys. yes.

oh yeah. catgirls. you also guys should check out catgirls they are needy freaky sex toys.

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

for some reason i feel satiated!! HEEEE!!! which is odd becuase i usually write here when i am not satiated and well, dr fink, i told him that i was only 20 percent satisfied when i left, and infact, dr fink, i may even feel emptier than before. But his words of kindness made me -------------------------------------------- and maybe that's doing it i dong know.

IS ALLL WELL?? I DONT KNOW!! I HAVE STILL BEEN CONSTANTLY LOOKING AND LISTENING TO MY FUCKED UP audio, my beloved 'friendly mouse' one with all the constant addings on, i added on fucky led zeppelin today and he sounds like helium, and well. . ..   . and well dr fink says that he doesn t thinnk i am happy and so i clapped my hands and went

'YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYLONT!!

 SO LET ME TELL YOU THIS.........................................

IN MY EVER PERPETUAL SEEKING OF HAPPINESS ..  .. .  . . . . OH DOES IT NEVER END!!

welll i have been getting somewhat interested in coke. !!!!!! NO, no, friends, i will not do it. HOWEVER, i am, as you know, interested in MICHAEL KEATON (oh we rented batman yesterday FUNT) okay.      i mean 2 days ago.      ANYAWY. He was in a movie calle d clean and sober wherehe was a crack addict.  .!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    and let me say he DOES VERY MUCH Look like the crack addict, let me show you.

THERE HE ISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!

 yes, so he really looks like the good one doesn't he??????? I watched his video on youtube and HHHOAOAOA he is so energetic!

now here's why michael keaton would be a good coke addict:::: HE IS AN ENERGETIC person human, and so, he would be ver good.

NOW - ------------ here is also why.

COKE SEEMS like it owuld make super fantastic sex. AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH.

let me tell you why. I Watched a family guy commercial thing ::: in volving a cheeetos guy snorting cheeto/coke from a table, in a shitty appartment, with some music, and he jumped up and screamed "AAAAAFGGGGGAHH!! THERE IS NO FUCKING!!!! DRUMMER!! BETTER!!! THAN !!! NEIL!!! PERT@!!!"

to which he promplty smashed the table. AAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and i said THAT ENERGY!!! THAT ALIVENESS!! THAT EDGINESS!!! THAT FUCING FUCKING PAPER CUT EDGE OF FUUUCKKK!!!!!!!!!1

i had that mental concept in my mind of edge/euphoria/hypeerness (the highway life essence!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and it was  a very sexy thought.

Because if you are on the edge, euphoric, and hyper, than sex must be very, very good.

I could picture michael keaton and a girl getting super super (wait now, michael keaton as his character DARRYYLLL in clean and sober, and actually , apparently he did do this and FUCK THIS MOVIE WOULD BE THE BEST FUCING MOVEI TO ME ) ANYWAY, michael keaton i have read, in that movie, he fucked a girl when they were both up on coke. AAAH THE ENERGY@!!! plowing away!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the girl could also get ontop and PULVERIZE HIM AHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

AND THERE WOULD BE LOTS AND LOTS OF 'FUCK' BEING YELLED!!!!!!!!! AHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A FUCKING RUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and then i thouughtr, well what if you fucked a CORPSE ON COKE!!!!!!!???!?!?!!!? well if i fucked a dead guy, i would fucking ravage it, becuase well, it is dead and i would be riding that dead dick andthe guy would just be flopping around everywhere, and i'd be like AHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHAH and snort some coke off of that dead fucker and go AHAHHAHAH FUCK YEAH IM FUCKING A GODDAMNED CORPSE AND I AM IN CONTROL BECAUSE I AM FUCKING IT FUCK YEAH IT CAN DO NOTHING AND PLUS IM REALLY HYPED ON COKE AND I AM RAVAGING THIS DEAD SONAFABITCHA HAHAHAHHAF CUK YEAHH!!!

now now, im not a necro. However, it is nice to play with different scenerios in your head, for experimentation. Try and find out the psychological drives behind getting off from fucking a corpse, and try and feel those to just see what it would b elike. AND i have to say, if it was michael keaton's corpse (specifically beetlejuice .. . if he was stiff dead. .. . i mean he's already dead, but his body. . . that is dead and stiff) i may just fuck it. i may just bite softly those dead lips and . . .. . . . . . . .. and  .. . . ..  .  ..  . . . lick that dead fucker.

ANYWAY,

i'd gnaw on it a bit. .

ANYWAY, so im at the funeral home the other day drinking a red bull and trying to live in the NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. this was a while a go. i look around and it is a beautiful day. i try to give up my anxiety. it was very nice, and i had a coouple breif glimpses of GOOD.

see, i have to just get rid of anxiety, it's killing me.

and i am figuring out more and more how much this life is a dream and HAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAH

yes, it is bullshit , AHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

gnaw on a dead penis. . ...

um, so yeah, just been lookin up coke sotries on erowid and going HAAHAHHAH

the other day yesterday i got stoooooooooned, and well previous to that there were 2 other times of stoning. YEsterday, i had a breif moment where i was walking around my bed room realizing how stoned i was and becoming aware, and the room became a candycane heaven altered-plane wehere everything is SUPER SMALL and SUPERBIG at the same time and it is toyland, and i am in my little world and i am viewing it like a child, and everything is super colorful and slowed down and EXTRA SLOOWWWYYYY ANDN BIIGGGG and everything is made out of a dimension-x plasma of candy and beetlejuice is looking at me on my whalll and the paint spots are popping out from the sides like clown dots, and my nose is super huge and takes up the entire feild but it is trnasparent too, and as i was moving towards the wall right in front of me, a candycane symphony of beauty and wonder and nowness played in my head, narrating my awakening into the big-small realm of this alternate plane, movign slowly through it, arms outstretched, staring serenely at the beetlejuice picture, it moving towards me in frame-by-frame intervals, it was perfection

AND I AM IN AN ALTERNATE PLANE!!!

however, anxiety snapped me back to nonawareness.

DAMN!!!!!!

see, i really have to get rid of anxiety, it is ssabatoging my life. THE WORK, the ART< the SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHOWY SHOW!!

i have big grande vague conceptions of what the SHOW COULD BE!!

WHY, iT WOULD BE IN AND MADDE UP OF THAT ALTERNATE PLANE OF DIMENSION-X PLASMA CANDY!!!

i have to live in the now, becuase then too it could be candy.

when the anxiety is gone, i can actually enjoy things instead of being in a state of nonawareness.

WELL

WELL

oh and i made fantastic sounds, and i was stoned and the static on the radio sounded like beautiful. and i uh. .. .. called into an obscure am radio show and talked about sexual repression (though i was not being serious) and how gender segregated schools could cause foot fetishes, necrophiliism, and homosexualims.

AHAHAH and

AND THREE COUNT EM THREE PEOPLE CALLED ME INSANE AFTERWARDS!! AN INSANE LADY!! AHAHHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!

and so i leave you wit h this.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

THAAAAAAAA SIMS!!!

so, i am  ..  .i have come across a  book that is life-rupturing. it is called 'a new earth' and the OPRAH recoomenenenenenenenene ennenenenenene it.

Oh.

SO PERHAPS I PLAY

THAY SIMS

and, well, i

so. then.

OH SO I MADE A PICTURE AND I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFEE IT!!!!!!!!! I LOOFE IT SO MUCH I LOFE IT I LOFE IT I LOFE IT I LOFE IT I LOFE IT I LOFE IT AND I JUST LOFE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

here it is.

it teaches me that life is not to be taken seriously, and i am very insignificant, and YAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!

OH MY GOD OH YMO GODY!!!!!! I LOVE IR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I MADE it with fireworks. YEEE!!!! it is michale keaton and his eyes are fucked up and he has a stripey oval body.

SO THIS LIFE IS NOT TO BE TAKEN SRIOUSLY!!!! LIVE IN THAAAAAAAAAAA PRESENT!

OKAY DOKAY friends, so i'm sitting here on a friday night again, typing phrases into google, in essence having a conversation with google because i have no friends. HOY!! I type my usual phrases, feeling down, feeling aaaaaaahhh fuck, my monotone life, typing in the usual phrases, "monotone existance . . .. " you know, and the like, WALLOWING on the internet, looking up psychological articles to try and aid me in my thing

OKAY so anyway, i hit a bipolar website again, and i always end up on some sort of bipolar or schizo website, and WELLL I MAY JUST .. . . . i dont know, you see, i dont know. I could just be an emotional moody teen, which would suck because then everything would be pointless, meaningless, and stupid. HOWEVER - seeing as how my brother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder (though i still say it was priimorday schizo, so does my therapist) . . .

I came across a new topic - -- RAPID CYCLING - - which is like bipolar except the mood swings are extremely short. NOW I DO SAY THAT AGAIN, i must reiterate, I AM VERY MUCH PRONE TO JUMPING TO RASH CONCLUSIONS OR TRYING TO FIT MYSELF INTO SOME PSYCHOLOGICAL CATEGORY FOR VARIOUS STUPID REASONS, and again, I MAY JUST BE AN AVERAGE MOODY TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN. . . . .

but some of the stuff that theese people said on the message boards describing their rapid cycling seems like me, MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First: I was thinking today how there are 2 aspects of me: there is the sabatoger who is always pulling me down, so quick to wallow, infact, she LOOOVVVVVES wallowing because it is comforting and ahhhhhhhhhhh GIVE UPPPPPP, yes, she just likes to fucking give up and is so goddamned quick to just lay there and say "Ahhh welll. well that's just that."
Then there is the other, which is the ideal one that I must aspire to, who sees the endless possibilities in life and show, who sees humour in anything, the create-a-state one who is in control of her own life and is like AHAHAHHHAHAHAHH!!!!!!!!!!!

IT seems as if these may be two polar trends that I go in, for I seem to alternate. I never would consider myself bipolar or anything like it htough, because from all I've read, there are long long periods of DEEP DEEP depression and long periods of CHAOTIC MANIACTIC mania. I was never so extreme, nor did I ever see sharp definable periods. I think rapid cycling however has more mild versions of mania and depression.

Second, and this is the thing that really got me - - The people kept talking about how the most minute triggers could completely change their state. Do you remember a while back (no) about how I found one stupid comment on a message board, one stupid hilarious stupid comment like "lolz faggot, i eat faggoT" or something so completely stupid??????? Well the sheer stupidity of this thing gave me this rush of OH MY GOD and AHAH and suddenly all of life was fantastic --- i said "THIS IS WHAT MAKES ME LOVE LIFE, PEOPLE, THIS!!!!" and everything was good and that one comment made me fucking HYPER.

Now speaking of these little triggers, it is especially predominant in that sabatoging wallower I have. If one little thing iis bad or something. . ..I dont know but this is what it's like. As soon as that minute bad stimulus is there, the wallower will grab onto it, say "Oop, that's it, that's it right there, yep, time to give up." The wallower is so LONGING to give up, that any bad little thing, EVEN IF ITS NOT A BAD LITTLE THING -- HE WILL FIND SOMETHING -- - to latch onto and say "well then, this is just going to be your weekend then, you are going to sit around and do nothing." and i will say "okay," and then I fall and wallow, and I love it there you see, and everything is good. It's like the wallower is just waitning, waiting for that signal, waiting waiting for a signal and then BOOM!! HE grabs hold of it and the curtain and takes me down with it. It's easy, it's fun, YAY!

And then I'll hear like a song, or a stupid phrase on the internet, or SOMETHIGN little and insignificant and funny and i think OH JOY!! AAHAHHAHAAH!! ANd i love it and i love existance and (however i do not go THAT far up) but i do get really hyper and that is usually when i will write on xanga to express  a LOOYYYY!!! and the people on the message board said it too -- - just a simple funny commercial will send them from despair to hyper HAHAH!

When i hear that song I think, "GEEZ, why did i FORGET THIS!!!!!!?!?!?!? THIS IS THE GOODS HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I hear that song that I love, that mood, that tone, and i say "COME ON, why didn't I just go for this before!!!!!?!?!? I MEan, listen to this, feel good!!!!! And i tell you, some songs just put you in the here and now and make you aware and you dont even know why you didn't go for them in the first place. That's why i always say, "HAVE A GOOD SONG IN YOUR HEAD AT ALL TIMES!!!"

However, when the song does bring me up, I feel really stupid, because i feel the previous phase of melancholy was bullshit and meaningless. I mean, if it takes something as small as a song or random internet comment like slashdot's shit to bring me up, you know, what the hell was the point of the previous mood???? It just seems so fucking stupid!! Even more, even if I know something like that will help me, in the melancholy mood, the sabatoger WANTS to stay there, WANTS IT!! WANNNNNTSS ITTTT!!

I think he wants it partially becasue it seems so stupid going in and out of bad moods. He wants to stay there just to dignify this mood and not make it seem like just moody teenish buullshit - -- it seems dumb, but I mean, it's pretty unsettling to think that the sadness and hoplessness you have just felt could've been brought up like THAT just by thinking of a positive thought, and when you're happy 2 seconds afterwards it seems utterly pointless.

Now the other thing they were talking about on that site were mixed episodes, and this is what got me -- the hyper depression. I think i may have been there.

If you dont beleive me, check out like 2 entries back: I can TYPE on cOMTUUREPEORORR.

Now that was me at my sad/hyper worst. It started out. . . . .  well i'm watching a clip of clean and sober and YAY michael keaton!! fFor some reason, damn, meaninglesssness ..  ..i feel so empty, nothing satiates me. . . I start recording myself, out of desperation -- IT IS A STRAINING FEELING, a fucking STRAINING FEELING, and i've described it before, likethis: ------------------------------- : I was chuckling and hopless at the same time, hyper and straining-empty - --- - I felt insane but I liked it sort of  - --  - I was chewing on a cd case, i was . . .. . . STRAINING FTUFJ FUFUT  FUUTTJJ you know, so i start recording myself singing 'california dreamin' out of desperation. Inot the mic, it is  .. . it is long and drawn out and gurgled and sporadic, going from -------------------- to like. ..  WELL I THINK I'm going to listen to it and soee. . (oh, and i was also partially trying to act like micahel keaton when i was doing it as well) It is titled "rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" I was singing it with the utmost of expression, constricting my facial muscles. . .and at times , well you can hear the rapidity of it -- - at other times i would just go utterly hopeless and teary and turn the note i was holding out into a gargling noise. The tempo fluctuates, ther are like choking noises in between, the vibrato goes from almost no sound to large screams. . The singing is extremely exaggerated, like and the SKKK--AA_--AAA--YYEEEE iis SSS  ---- GGGG__rrrr-RRR--AA hHAA hah HHAHHAH ahah HAHHHA hahahHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, with all the syllables accentuated .. . . eventually it's just the words being said in vastly different ways and the tune is not there at all

Now i did speed it up when i recorded it, so it is sort of hard to make out, but after a while, i start talking into the mic .. . i am whispering into it shrilly .. . in a wishywashy 'waaaaaaahhhwlellllllllll haha''ahhaha' give up afhffjhfh' like a drunk homeless joe who is at rock bottom but is singing anyway because it's the only thing left - -- i start saying 'oh god and I think .. i think. . . .i should .. . waht if i just . . . blew my head off oh yes that owuld be fun oh yes.' NOW A TTHE time i did not actually mean this, but . .  . .and all the while i am munutely trying to sound like michael keaton. (this is the first time i've listened to it since it was recorded). . . inaudible whispering and cackling. .. . . .then one last extreme chorus of 'california dreamin' and i guess i got sick of it.

If i remember correctly, then i just felt WIEJWOGJOGWOGEJWOIOGWEJOEGJ in a mix of confusion and viewpoints. RAPIDLY my perspectives on the worldwould shift as i tried to come to some sort of conclusion, SAD hopeless AHAHHAHAHAHHA 'look i'm going crazy' HAHAH hopeless . .. . .  ..YOU WOULD i think call it, hyper despair, if anything  ..  ..infact i was thinking that at the time.

I was so strainy, i did not nkow what to do. MY thoughts were coming so fast, my viewpoints, i did not know what to do. Eventually i settled on the guitar, went on my bed and started singing desperately stuff i made up at the top of my head, with extreme facial expressions, my face was constricting like frantically, like michael keaton i wanted to be like (he is a very manic actor), i was singing and it , ACTUALLy that brought me a bit of settlement, a bit of ahhhhhh. .  ..  . playing out of tune cords and staring at Stripey juice .. . . . i remmeber that i wanted to record it as i was doing it because i thought it was pretty good and funny ..  .. . . . ..  ..

and then i was sad/hyper and i started recording michael keaton from the youtube video -- STRAINED IN THAT YOU DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO because either nothing is coming to you, or you may want to do something but you dont want to ..  . . . . ..  AM I HAPPY OR IN MISERYY --- that lyric comes up a lot. .

and then i proceeded to type, as you can see, that extremely long thing 2 entries back, back arched, arms outstretched and flashing by on the keyboard, head turned to the side, not looking at the board nor the computer, face in fAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA expression, rotating my head and i was in sort of a state of oblivion, i felt somewhat not ther but the keys were flashing flashing away --

STRAIND AS INN p--- DO I WANT TO SAY THIS well i dont think it would even matter if i said it anyway OH HERES SOMETHING TO SAY but you know what's the point WELL WHAT THE FUCING FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY, I WANT TO SAY SOMETHING ON HERE but this is fucking stupid and pointless why even bother writing thsi

and it came out looking like the thing you see 2 entries back.

I've been there a couple times, but i'd say that is the most extreme it's been. it is

FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA -0------------------------------------

AND YET FRIENDS< i coNSISTANTLY SAY THAT MY EMOTIONS AND LIFE IS MONOTONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHICH IS EXTEMRLEY CONFUSING!! I WOULD"VE THOUGHT I WAS THE OPPOSITE OF A rapid-cycling person.

BUT -- i saw another interesting site which enthtralled me -- it said that many people riding the wave don't even realize it and instead describe themselves as monotone.

I DONT KNOW!!!

MAny times, in that straiend state, it was like "I just dont know." am i happy? sad/?? Monotone?? I dont know. I dont know.I DOONNNNTT KNOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!

I will have to talk to this with fink

nANNNDNDNDNDNNDNDN then i put on a fucking great song like Roxanne WHICH I JUST DOWNLOADED after hearing it on the radio twice and burger king which i loved   

AND IF I PUT THAT ON AND LOOK AT SEXY BEETLEJUICE HANGING FROM MY WALL, AND IF A CHORD STRIKES JUST RIGHT WITH A STRIPE ON HIS SUIT AND THE CURVE OF HIS EYEBROW, IT WILL SEND ME WITH FANTASTIC JOY@!!!!! ---

ILL PLAY IT RIGHT NOW AND FEEL THE JOY!! AND LOOK AT  AMR JUICE@!!!

OH THAT IS A GOOD SONG!!

let me tell you something else -- - -- - - FUCK -- -- - - i'd say it's manic alraight, but I would describe it actually more as just being hyper, like in a good hyper mood perhaps. It could be both, but that does not mean it is part of any wave or coaster ---

But when i watch LOD or MR MOMEDY (which were both doen when i was sort of despaired yet hyper enough an dthinking that i might be able to do something creative but still saying "Fuck it" at the same time becasue id did not want to commit --- sort of a letting go thing,) --- I GET THE UTMOST OF HYPERNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I MEAN, WHEN I FIRST MADE THAT LOD/TRIBUTE TO MICHAEL KEATON, IT SENT SURGES UP MY SPINE!! SURGES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! surges of JOY BECAUSE OF THE ABSOLUTELY FUCKING FUCKING STUPIDITY!!

i dont know why, but i think the absolutely fuckings tupididty triggers it becasue i get this SURGE!! SURGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND AS IT IS GOING ON, I SCRUNCH MY FACE INTO THE MOST EXTREME SMILE WITH MY EYES CLOSED SO TIGHTLY SHUT IN JOY THAT THEY HURT AND IT LOOKS LIKE I AM A SCRUNCHED UP THING, AND I RIDE THAT SURGE@!!!! I PUT MY HANDS UP AND THAT ANIMATION GIVES ME THE HYPERNESS/AAHHH NOW THIS IS LIFE/THIS IS THEE EXPERIENCE!!!!!!!! and

and i watch it like 2394 times in a row, and cackle, and (this was back when it was first completed, unfortunately i did watch it a bit too many times but it is still veyr love for me, just not as much as the first times) AND HOOT WITH LAUGHTER AND

i thought to myself how crazy i must seem to my mother downstairs, who hears thsi chaotic audio played to the extreme and me laughing like an idiot, over and over and over again,

and then i get into michale keaton personality becasue that gets me pumped and i go and strut around! it is dear to mysoul because of the ABSLUTLEY FUCKING STUPIDITY!! AND THE INSANITY!!! AND THE BOMBARDMENT OF SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yes, the bombardment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

but then again, i feel as if i cannot get stimulated at all!!!!!!!!! MY MIND MUST BE Shocked with nodes, because i feel empty and unstimulated and monotone, MONOOOTOONNEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

i must admit that it is much much easier to fall than rise though.

If that is what a manic stage is, then i would not give it up for the world. I love it too much. If it turns out there is something wrong with me, i would never go on pills. It would turn me into a horrible stupor (like my sibling from that lithium) and HOWEVER

however, me and fink would work to get me to HONE this creative potential of the ups and work with the downs. .  .. . ...

I think that is why i am sort of scard of starting the new alfred thing, because i dont want to stop in the middle and get all sad about it.

WLELLE then again i may just be an emotional teen, which sadly, would suck so much, becasue taht just means everything i just said was compeltey worthless, pointless, and bullshit.

so. i am sitting in my room again. HEY GUESS what my therapist well he is a friendly mouse, he met THEE TIMOTHY LEARY!!!!!!! THEE!!!!!!!!!!!! And he took an acid trip when he was 20 and he told me all about it and he got the insight that this world is bullshit. And he is going to let me borrow Timothy Leary's books, autographed by THEE TIMOTHY LEARY!!!!!!!!!!!! WOW!!!!!!!!!!!He too smoked pot and he says that once in a whiile is okay. JOY! He says I am mildly depressed and am attention-starved. JOY!!! JOY!!! He says that there's something screwed up with my emotions. JOY!! JOY!!!!!!

well, so i sit here again on the friday night. I stare at stripey. Oh did i tell you, my new name for Mr. Corpsey Juice is Stripey. STRIPEY!! Because he has stripes all over him and he is stripey and he is a stripey!!! He is however distracting me, perhaps I should get rid of him. For all I do is sit on my bed and stare at the stripey lines on my wall, yes because i am very deluded as I perceive these lines to be almost another entity. They are merely lines on a peice of paper and yet I see them as giving off the mood pertaining to Mr. Juice and I feel warm and longing when I stare at him. See? I just looked back right now, and i always look back at him. He is hanging over my bed. When I come home I sit on my bed in mild self-pity and say "hello, stripey" and stare very wide-eyed at those lines. I even invented a song on teh guitar that goes "stripey stripey lines are on my waaaaaaaaall stripey stripey lines are on my .. . . waaaaaaaaaaaaallll they are on my waall" and it is to the chords of "roses and rainbows" except backwards.

So I love him up there, but i am afraiid that he is becoming too much of a distraction because I am prone to getting lost in the stripes and my thoughts and not doing anything at all but staying in a daze. I have been somewhat distanced from reality for a while. I think I'm becoming more and more withdrawn in my own head. I can't concentrate on anything, and even while watching ROCKEY ! do i daze off into thoughts. I am increasingly doing that feed-back-loop thingy were you concentrate on your being and go "WOAH WHAT THE FUCK' "WOAH WHAT THE FUCK" because you see yourself and you go "WOAH WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT." i've been getting much better at it.

But i do llove him up there and he makes me feel somewhat alive. I say, "what would I do if I did not have stripey?" He is something to love and focus on (if you'd even call that the somewhat empty repetitive process to make myself love and focus on him) and keep me busy because, like I said, I stare at his stripey lines.

I enjoy talking to Dr. Fink. He is the only person I talk to, once a week, for one hour. Unless he cancells, which makes poor I very upset. I am too much prone to wallowing. That is my downfall. However, once in a while, do I seem to feel myself connected with this universe by saying "Wow, what the fuck is all this, really!!" and think "wow, this life is so fucking what the fuck, WOW, life!! WOW, the existance of man in this pointless hilarity!! Wow, the things I can do with my show, the points I can make, the humour I can come up with, the mood and emotion I can convey, Why, my show is like a whole other world, a whole other ideal THING, OH GOD HOW I want to do my show and show it to others!!!" and then I think, "WOW, stupid humour!! WOW!! ABSOLUTE STUPIDITY!! WOW!!" and sometimes like that I will get bursts of enthusement "Wow, the highway!! WOW, CEMETARIES!!!"

and sometimes i create-a-state and I go into michael keaton personality like at stupid waiting rooms like DMV and Welfare building!!!! And sometimes I do it and it is sort of emptily fun. and sometimes I sit on my bed and do repetitive things like rock myhead or press that stupid snoopy toy over and over again and it plays the annoying out of tune song. Dr. Fink says I have lots of built up intellectual energy. JOY!! I think that means that I have nothing to think about, so i constantly analyze myself over and over again to give me something to do.

and sometimes I get so bored and hopeless that I start to laugh and I am at my end's point and so I just sing and laugh and I dont know what to do so  i just do shit and i say "alright then, it is fun going crazy!" so i feel as if i am partially insane. It is 40 percent exaggerated to stimulate myself, and it is 60 or less percent due to absolute ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- i'm at my end here, what now, what do i FUCKING do!"

but sometimes i will enjoy it because I feel as if it is quite the experience, me, in solitude, having so much solitude and boredom that I go partially nuts and do repetitive motions and say little things to myself and feel a mixture of happy/sad/bored/stimulated/hyper/lethargic, and I feel NOW THAT is an experience there, ThAT is something, and it makes me think "well perhaps this is the ideal situation." Because i'm always trying to think 'what is the most i can get out of life, what is the situation i can put myself in that will most connect me with everyhting and give me knowledge and give me an experience, an odd out-there experience that is somewhat of the epitimy of the life thing'.. . . .and perhaps that's one of it, when you're strained and thawed and  . . . . . . . but look at me, i am probably just another ungrateful american shit-kid who doesn't know the meaning of being strained and thawed anyway.

and i try to think in my head what an ideal situation would be to give me soemthing, and i've thought of one: in the cold winter air at night under the stars light up a joint on someone's grave and sit in that cemetary and comprehend those corpses beneath me and that i too will be a corpse and comprehend the vast vastness of the universe and comprehend 'what the fucking fuck is this' and sit on a grave and sing, alone, and freak out and freak out the people who may happen to walk by, and then dance and twirl in that cemetary.

and if that ideal situation is dissapointingly feeling empty and meaningless to me even then, Then i can say, 'well then i'll put that ideal situation in my show. i'll make something that i've never seen before, that'll be all that situation and more, that'll be that situation with its beauty and fuckupedness times 20, i can create it in my show.' and if that idealer situation seems empty and meaningless, then i will just put that out of my fucking mind because no fucking way do i ever want to go beyond that.

and sometimes i just detach from it all and go 'fuck it, well, none of this is anyhthing' and then i sit, happily smilling like a medicated psycho, 'content' and secure in my curled up position against the wall, daddling and twiddling and twiddling, retarded on my bed and sit and sit and sit.

but i tell ya, that doesn't last. Fortunately and unfortunately. After a while the boredom will overpower even that state of mind and i'll have to go seeking out soemthing to make me feel alive again, like staring at STripey or going on that goddamned wasteland shit hole of the internet, or wandering around pacingly, or picking up that goddamned guitar and playing the same goddamned songs over and over again. . . . ..and then after awhile of that empty shit i'll have had enough so I start acting like michael keaton and try and create-a-state if you will, i'll act like beeteljuice in subtle ways and that usually leads to going on limewire and listening to the same damn songs again while acting them out in extreme facial expressions like michael keaton, which usually leads to perhaps a hyper state perhaps, of the hyper joy thing of 'wow, what the fuck is this?!? WOW, CREATE-A-STATE  =-- i should just go around acting as different characters and make this life my fucking own - - -' which could lead to listening to fucked up audio or making it, which i can honestly say gives me the most joy, which leads to getting even more fucked up and hyper because of it, and i think 'yeah, fucked up audio, yeah, show!!!!' which can lead to 'I wanna create somehting i wanna create!' which leads to 'but i dont have any canvasses and my paints are running out and i dont wanna devote any time to a show or start on a huge project because i dont wanna slave away on somethhing and then have it turn out bad or fizzle away like the last thing' which leads to 'comeon, emily, you better get started, time's a tickin, you better work on your show or perhaps your dream will never come true!!'  which leads to 'i've already decided that icannot give myself anxiety over this show or else it defeats the purpose and i cannot do that, and i should wait till the idea is incubated enough for me to get very inspired to actually do it'  which gives somewhat of a baseland to rest on, but you know, then by that time it's probably time to sleep, and i dont want to because i feel nothing has been accomplished and the day has been meaningless, so i really dont want to sleep and start again on it. if i really feel straining like this and am in an extra 'aww who gives a fuck about htis life, this life is meaningless, i can do whatever the hell i want HELLYEAH HAHAHHA!!!! HELL yAH HAHAHA!' mood i will hyperly/bored/sad/ffffff go downstairs at 12 in the morning and watch infomercials, which is rare, and i will create-a-state of being bored and watching infomercials but i think "yeah, this life is meaningless, im gonna die soon anyway, HELL YeAH ahhahhahha!! YEAH WATCHIN INFOMERCIALS FUCK if i'm tired at school, live for the moment HAHAAHHAHAH!!!" and i create-the-state of the hermit slightly-insane gone-off-the-edge infomercial-watcher and i will stay up all night and feel free, and THIS here sort of connects me to everything in my eye, the feeling of having nothing and at the epitimy of FFFFFFFFFFFFFf and -------------------------, THAT right there i see as an experience as I said before, paradoxally it is the most meaningless thing but that makes it so meaningful, and then at around 5 in the morning i will get really tired but i have to go to school, so i will plan in my create-a-state mentality to go to school and be some crack-head infomercial-watcher who is like fucking zonked out and looks very sickly because of the infomercial-watching and lack of sleep, and i think "FUCK YEAH, that'll be FUNNN!! YEAHH!!" but at the time of 5 in the morning i am so damned tired that i cannot commit, and the basic need of sleep inevitably takes over (unless i can conquer it in the future) and i just think 'oh shit, god no, oh god no i dont want to go, oh fuck' so i sleep through all my periods and perhaps come home and cry.

but i tell ya, with my emptiness and longing and strainign, i tell ya,sometimes i look at it all objectively and I love it all, I LOVE IT ALL!! This i think, is where it's at, THIS is a human experience, all this shit here. I Love it all and i loathe it all, I want out and I wanna stay in , I think it's good for me and i think it's bad for me. But sometimes i tell ya, i think 'what a fine time period this has been/is. i will look back and long for it some day.' but i tell ya, i do not know. Contentment is bad, you see, but yet i'm constantly striving for contentment. I feel sometimes I'm at my edge, i'm at the ---------- point but then i pull back and think  objectively, 'hey this is a fucking cool state i'm in' which I dont know, makes it better? because if it did then i wouldn't even be in that fucking cool state anyway bevcause i'd feel better. And even when I try and the meaninglessness of things grows even more and more in my mind, and i just think ----------------------- oh fuck--------------------------, i cann still pull back in that create-a-state mentality and think, "hey, now THIS is an experience.My mind is fucked, THIS is the epitimy of whatever" And i get a bit of contentment. But contentment and stability for me is SHIT, i tell yah, only when you're content do you stay stagnant and you dont figure out anything else. Ideally a state of non-contentment is the place where it's at, because you're constantly searching for knowledge and thinking and going 'what tehe fuck.' And yet I yearn for contentment. And yet I dont. IF i dont have contentment, then i am content, and yet i still long for contentment. But i say, objectively, "no, this is where it's at." and i am content.

Is typing htis out meaninful? Does it do anything for me?? I"d like to think it is, because i am managing my thoughts and perhaps i'll have rememberance of what i want to discuss with dr fink. But the meaningless of it seeps in when i think , 'no one is reading this. what is the point?' But meaninfulness concquers when I think ,"HEY HEY, this will be good for my alfred show!!! I am getting abetter perspective on this mood i am trying to convey in this incubating idea i am now incubating."

so for me, it seems the alfred show is theonly lead to fulfillment and meaning. Ofcourse, it may just be another delusion. For the one article said that everything is equally as pointless of a distraction, EVERYTHING - - some may say one is more important, but it's really all the same.'

But i tell you what  -------- if that is the case, I will not go there. I strive for knowledge and the broadest perspective always, but i will say now , that i dont think i will go any further. I dont think i will ever accept the show as being another meaningless distraction. This is one delusion I think i'd want to keep. The show is the only thing I can think of that is ideal and meaningful, and itelll ya, even with my straining desire for that epitimy of the picture, i dont think i can give it up. So i'll just keeep that one delusion i say, i will.

and so what am i going to do now? More stripey?? HMMM??????? I do not know. it is 12:10 am. am i going to stare at stripey?? What am i going to do? I like writing here. what will i do? Will i go to bed today again feeling empty and like i didi nothing of worth today? will i say 'fuck it' again and go to bed in that lulling state of 'fuck it' detachment/? Will i go to bed with a forced optimism of perhaps this incubating idea will really take off tomorrow? will i go tobed looking out the window at the stars and sighing and thinking 'oh god, what the fuck is all this, i lofe it!!!'? and looking at stripey and thinking, "oh stripey, i loveyou, and i love the sky and the what the fuck, and even with allthe what the fuck, here you sit, stripey on my wall, oh stripey how i love you. you give me warm feeling."

i dont know . what will i do???

LOFT!

HEY THERE HE THERE HEY THERE HEY THERE HYE THERE HEY THERE HEY THERE

so it is saturday ngiht again and i have the whole entire night to do things in my room  . .!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LIKE  . . stroblelihgt

or so i come on here to say things. so i will because i got mental. . buildup. . . . .because. . . . . . . . ..  ..  .of .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  . . . .  .something that has to do with beetlejuice but i dont know itis just stupid crap so i thingk perhaps i shall come on here and sy asay say things and then.

oh. so. then. . .i went to walmart alredy. it is five fourtytwo. i had iced coffee. i   .. . i have the hwole knight to do things in room. yeseterday night i  .. i . . . . .. i .. . . . . .. i . . . . . . .. felt connected to lines on a wall that were betteljcueiwjeofi and yes it is a picture but it is human contact for me .  . . .!!!!! and then, and then , and then i plyed time of the season and  . . .looked at beetljeucie picture and felt forlorn and warm and tingly. . . . . . . . . . . . . .and then .. . and then i had somewha tof a freak out as i was heavily caffinated with vault and i did that self-loop thing where you go "WHAT THE FUCK OH SHIT WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK" except i partially stayed that way i think  i staye din the 2 selves thing and  .. . . . . .andn amnd i felt sort of like partially a guru . .

THE GURU WAS CALLING ME!!!!!! THE GURU WASTELLING ME TO LEAVE BEHIND MY LOVES AND LONGINGS OF BEETLEJUICE AND YOUR HUMANLY NEEDS AND COME , COME GAIN AN UPPER LEVEL OF AWARENESS!!! and i sayd, yes this is what i have always wanted, but wait, i love my loves and longings of beetljuice and my humanly needs and my florlornities. and guru sayd: SUIT YOURELF!

and so then i thought about the funny funny ride we humans are on called life ,the big fucking highway of HAHAHAHHAHAHWHWE ARE ALL GOIINNNN TO THE GRAVVVE AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111

and then i wrote many things in my notebook and then i listened to frank zappa and so now i am sitting here and i was looking for picture of corpse on the interent but i could find no good corpse!! i must ad mit i am afraid to look at some corpse pictures because theuy freak me out

however, i will tell you that beetljeuice is a sexy corpse and i enjoy looking at him on my wall and that is what i was thinking last night, and then for 2 seconds i realized that i am basing much of my life around an odd empty fantasy and that the picture on my wall that fills me with warm tingliness is just lines, LINES, L:IIIINNNESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and i said onh. and then. AND THEN. . .and then now it is today. and i woke up from ths lopvely fulfilling i think state of mind i was in last night. . . . .

so today i am sitting here, typing up a variety of words on internent, google, such as , well i go and swith tche them around and they are like this"beetljeuice corp[se," 'michale keaton cor'se" fuck michale keaton, and andn andn

 .. . . . .

FUCK M ICHALE KEATON !! AHAHAHAHHAH!! AHAHHAHAHA !!! AHAHAHHAHH! ASHAHAHHAAHHH! ! HAHAHAHH!!

and let me tell you now as i sit here i realize all this has no meaning at all and it fills me with great sadness because i am sittin ghere talking to a computer screen and oh boy what is the meaning and oh boy oh oboy andoiwoifj

and so i want to starrt on anew animation and i think it is quite the swell it has great emotional significancre to em aiiwjf it includs thr fucked up oaudio i made i love it so and then perhaps an thend

and so now i mam sittimg nwehhere andj it sem  i am not feelign so good because i am  .. i am. . .. . .i am .. . just sitiiting here going on and on and on and on aond ona

WHATS THE SIGNIFICANCE!! I DONT KNWO~!!!!!

and so i say to myself that perhaps i want to do some art or somep picture  or somehting becuase that will create some sor to f significance or meaning but but but but ugi am too lazyto get out the

OIL PAINTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And so i wit anc i go on on and on

and yes it is very beautuf ul and yes it is it really reall is the forlonrning

and th e corpse

and the forlorning and the longing and

the corpse and the

corpe

XORPSE!!!!!!!!!!! AHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHHHAH!!!!!!!!

MYU CONSTant sitting my rmy room i am decatging and rotting AHHAHHAHAHAHHAh im y room it si fun tou see i sit and i sit and i sit and i sit

HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHHAHHAAHHAHAHHAHAHHAA

and s and so it distressed me but makde me very happy because well someone on the internent wht st wants to fuck michael keation!! oh of the joy!! what's the sifgnificance!! I DONT KNWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and oif i stop trying to act lime michale keaton for the sake of just for me having something d to do, i will i will i will hav NOTHING DO TOO DOOO!O AND THAT IS THE ROORPO

and so i sit aher eand i think, perhaps i should just gof cukeiing crazy yes, go fucking grcatszt ytes  in this lifetime, yes i should go fucking creazy and thejn that would pr]beprett\\

be pretty damned fun don gyou think so i dont know howeverwhat i would do crazy

but oh it is fucking becautuuifl and that is why i want to do the animation of it!! that animation i ahve bene having in mjy head with the highway and the cemetary and the necrophilia and the fucked up audio with alfred and .. andn . . andn .. andn .. . ... andn . . . . .. . .

and. . . . . ...

a d and see that is the only thing that seems to be meaningfucl to me. . yes.

so. . . .so  . . .so. that is what i will do i just whave to wait a bit more and wait for iceas to cfome and wait for more layers to build and more synapses to happen and more layers of coedy to add on

nd andand i did the most fantastic animation it is called "MR MOMEDY " and oh i love it oh how i just fukcing love it i love it i love it

i did it last weekend

i love it soo much infact i think i ma going to play it right now.

I LOVE BEETRLJUICE I LOVE BEETLJCJUICE I LOVE BEETLJUICE AND I LOVE MICHEAL KEATON !!!!!!!!!!!!

fUC michale keatn !!!!!!! AHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHA!!

fUC hichael keaton to heeeeeeeeeeeeeeel@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!A AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAH

fcu micheao OTOOTOTOTO !!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHA!!

ahhahh !H!H!H!HH!!H AHAHAHH!HHH!H!H!H!H!H!H!H!H!HH!H!H!H!H!h
AHAHAHAHAH
!H!H!HH!H!H!H!!HH!H!H!H!H

!HH!H!H!H!H!H!HH!H!H!H!H

PH OH HO HO HO HO HO HOH OHOH OH OH OH LOD

WHICH I WHKILL LISTEN TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this sstate i am in is beuatuful, sad, boring, and stimulating. . .. . ALL AT ONCE!!!!!!!! AHAHHAHHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHHAH!! FULL OF HOPE AND FULL OF NONE AT ALL. . . .A LLL AT OANCE@H@H@HHAHAH HAHAHAH $#@@ AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCC MMEME

listen to lod, no! now! listen.

oh thats good. now i listen to time of the season.

what a fantastic state thsi is that hi  i have been in for like 3 weeks. what a trip. technically, it could have been from night shift, and more technically, it could have even been back to when it was thanksgiving.

and beetlejuice first came into. . . .well wait he was alway s ther.

oh. to shwo to shwo you waht you meneed to live tell it to me slowly tell you why i really want to know its the tiiimmemmeme of ththehs seeassoonnn ffoorr loovviiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing

oh so i am failing like all of my classes.

yes  so michael keaton is definitely much much sexier as beetlejuice and wehn he was older in the late 80's yes, bak in the prior days he was not as developed.

i am . .am i sad? i dotn know.

AM I HAPPY OR IN MISERY I DONT FUCKING KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i cant tell if i am  . . . .. well. . . .am i monootone i just dong know.

and now i am listening to inda godda da vida babay.

when ii am miiin anxiety

what do i do?

what do we do?

i'll tell you waht we do!!

wehn we're in that boring trap of anxiety!!

we. . .we. .  .. .

WE PRETEND TO BE MICHAEL KEATON, yes sIR!! ITS THE ONLY WAY TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY, ESCAPE FROM YOUR MONOTONY AND FEAR BY PUTTING ON EXTREMEM FACIAL EXPRESSIONS, WALKING COCKILY, DOING A NECK-CHIN SQUEEZE, AND DOING THE FAMED GRIN-OUT-OF-CORNER-OF-EYE-WITH-VERY-POINTY-BROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

now ofcourse, it turns out that you are not acting lihe him at all ofcourse because you are a bad acter

however , it doesnt heurt to TRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MILLLIONSS!!!! ANDD MIILLIISOONNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFf MICHEAL KEATON BUULLSSSHHIITTTTTTTTT! AHHAHAHAH !HAHAHAHAHAH! HAAHHAHHA !HAHAHHAHAHA

I BEELLEIV EIN MMRIRIRLCLES IIWHEHREH AYRE YOU FROMOMM YOU SEEXYXYYA HTINGANNANTNTNT
WEHREH DIDID YOU COMEOMF R

oh i willt ell you another secrent for getting out of the monotony and the fear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

do you wat top know aht it is!??!?!

IT IS""

YOU GET A SONG AND THEN YOU ACT IT OUT IN THE MOST EXTREMEM AND MICHEALE KEATON ISH WYAY POSSIBIELLEL AND THEN

your jwefiawefoi

HAHAHH! AHHAHA AHHAAHHAHAHHAHAH

AHHAHAHAHHAHA

weher eyou from you sexy wiejfowiejfoaij

i beleive in miririclallleslsllslss i ibllelelwiieie

in miririrriicllclewla WHY IDD YOU COOEMM FROROMM ANNGLELELELELELELLE HOWOW DIDI FYOU KI WOOII IDIDIDDIDIIDIDDIDIIDIDI

sssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

tttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

i can tye [ane on and itpwye right er

i cna ty[e aon a tieypre riuwither

i can ty[e w9on a tyepre srightrer

i can type ton aa tyepr right wer

i can tye[ aon a  compute r

a i cna tyep ton a ycoemtyer

i acan ptyep on a byeptjrewighte

ri can tpeye on a  coromtpuer

i cna otyepe on a c rompbuer

ic an cnnnnn

yESTERDAY I W SAS LONE OT THE LONELKY PEOPLE NOW YOUR LIWYEING CLOSE TO ME@@ GIVIINN IT TO ME!!!

YESTERDAY I WS ONE OFTHE LONELY PEOPLEL NOW YOR LYING NEXT TO ME GIVIN IT TO ME

YERSDTEREAY  U WAS ONE OF THE LONELY PEOPLE NOW YOUR LIGYING NEXT TO ME GININIT OTO ME
YER
YERSTERAY I WAS WNE OF THE ONLOLY BEOPOEPLE NOW YOUR LIGYING NEXT TO ME IGINIVIN OIT TO E

YERSTERDTA UI WAS ONE OF THE LONLEY PEOPLE NOW YOUR LYING NEXT TO EM GOIVIVNI TO TO TM$E
AHHAHAH

HAHAHAHAHAHA

ITS EXTCHAHTCY!!
ICTS SEXTAYT!!!

ITS ECYCAYTA!@!!!

EIT S EXTTHCHAE

and so then i wen tot he store and thern there was a guy and so ther in ae went ot the sotre and then there awa s ag a guy

ig fikj

oh folks, but in reality, i said, this guy keeps rying to like, come in my house and tear off of my e my doorknob ,man! i mean, i dont kno w what the hell hsi problem is. why is he doing thsi? i mean, like seriously guy, this guy l;ike  well he followed me home from wamart this one time and he uh. .  . .

well so then i was sstrobelighting , and then all of a sudden beetlejuice leaped off of my wall and started giving it to me and i sayd "WOW! yesterday i was one of the lonely people now your'e lying next to me givin it to me!" like, like that songs, foklks,k !!! like that songs, like te song, folks!! like the song!! i teel you  like the song!! the song by hot chocolate!!!

and then so i was sitting in the doctors office becuase i felt a lump in my breast so i wanted to get it checke dout. so im sittin here iin this smock right, this pink smock, and the fuckin lady is not coming into feel me up, so im just sittin threer really fucking bored and no oneds comin to feel me up or anything, and i all i've got is the fucking micheky mouses on teh wall, sittin there and lookin at e mae and like dancing and shit, and im like stop fucking . . . .. .. .so im sittin there thinking goddamn, i'd really like to get felt up right now sio i can know iftheres a fuckin tumour in my fuckin tit and so i can know if im goin to fuckin die or what not, and so then she did not come, but then after like an hour, guess who shooed up you guys@!!  ..

anway so im sittin there sittin there sittin there and i hear thesee fotsteps outseide of the door and well soee i opened it i se, welll actually i did not open it HE opened it, . . .HE and he was uh. . . .oh yeah well see it was beeteljuice, AHA! howbout that, eh? he happens to walk in and he is dancing around and screaming, offin his own little world, and i am very shocked. he is very massive here in this room, he takes overt the whole damn thing with his huge movements and voice and attire, and he totally knocks those michely mouses out of first place yousee, so im just sititin there and he's goin off on some rant about  pringles and i say, 'hey man, you foin to fell me up or what?" and he says "heeey, man, "a nd then he ckeeps screamin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 an d i say 'beetlejuice you fool!!i o gott a fuckin lump in my fuckin titi and i just want to know if its going to kill me or not and exploe me my tite and what not" and he says "WHELLWHAT THE HELL AM I GOIN TO DO ABOUT IT~!!!" And i sayd what the fuck are you efven doing ehre beetlejjuuice and he says "Oh." and is aid as ihe continues to yell and rant i says, "WELLL I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU LIKE FUCKIN FELT TO SEE IF I HAvE A GOODDAMNED LUM P IN MY TIT BECAUSE IF THE DAMNED DOCTOR IS NOT GOING TO COME, THE NN I GUESS ITS UP TO YOU BIG FELLA!!!" AND HE SAYS

he says okay so then he like ;uts his hand on my tit nad i go, 'well?" and he says "well i dn i dont feel nothin at all" and is aisisi i says, "OH JOY!!!!!!!!!!!!" and he says yeah.

so then heleaves.

he leaves and he never returns.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmm

sssssssssiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnngggggggg

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

hahahah

ahaahhahhahhahahhha

i think i shall go insane. i think i shouall make myself go insane. yes. that seems like  a right carreer path. i thin k i will say to myself 'oh boy, let us goin isan!!" AI AND I WILL SAY YAYA!!!

oh this is a fucking sexy song

i tell you what, the help i am a rock, it is sexy

it is corpsey and iook at beetljeuice screen saver and it makes him extra sexy

becuase the song combined with him is just sexy, with his expression of th what the fuck and his flannesl shirt and the fact that he is a freaky corpse sittin in a graveyar with a flannal shirt with wjust sayin what the fuck

and they both play off of jeach other and there is a big sexy atmosphere my room terns into, yes, ititit itt runs into some hto

and so then yes, and so then he is a cporopse.

nananand and and and and and and and and andn anda dn

i wish i could do something rcreative i really do i really dio i do i do i do i do

for only creating things is meaningful to me i suppose

and like ive said ive been sittin here sayin WHATS THE SIGNIFICANCE!!! I DONNT KNOWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

corspe an so then

corpse.

corspe.

corpse.

corpse.

corpse.

copsroe

corpse.

corpse

corpse

corpse

corspe

coserp

a d and and so i am sitting in studdy hall and my hobby sued to be sleeping but now it is drawing corpses ndand alfred sucking on corpses and

so i just want to go in under the night sky and feel th e cold air oh yes that would be fun . oh yes oh yes oh yes oh es oh yes oh yes oh yes oh  yes oh  yes oh yesp hohwhh

and then under that night sky i shall go insane. i n sane and in  in  i will goi insane under that night sky and the cold air and it shall be spectatulrura.r.

sex corpse. corpse sex. sex corpse. corpse sex. an x rated corpse. an excquizit, x rated corpse.

so i am sitting here and there are a bunch of nooises in my headphones and it is pehrpahs odd and there ais a girl makin glove to cawing monkey-birds, if there is such a thing. he he i typed in making glove .ahahehehe im gonna make glove to you.

id like to make glove to a corpse.

did you know wthat the maggots enter the vagainan first hAHAHAHAHHAHHAHA

not a girl corpse though, make glove to a GUY man corpse. HEEH! dead guy. DEA D GY!

one day i alfreed happpepned to coeme upon a pile of dead corpse. and he had the ufn.